#with disney+ if I click on the rewind button I have to click again on the play button for the space bar to work properly

[elgringo300]

unpopular opinion but I think that netflix is still the best streaming service other than Amazon Prime

[curious-minx]

The Art Patron (SHORT STORY)

Somewhere in between purchasing a full set of decorative Simpsons plates, a perfectly cromulent companion to my custard yellow walls, and generating writing prompts for aspiring writers to never do, I made a discovery that will change my life forever. 

My love language is tinsel wrapped gifts of the highest and personal order. I wanted my lady love to have a very special Kansas Day. She wasn’t from Kansas, nor did she care much for the Simpsons. She liked them just fine. Oh! A fellow is offering the artistic service of turning “ME!” into a Simpson! My walls could use all of the soggy rubber ducky yellow art it can get and seeing as the only pictures I have of myself are in the womb I think this would be one step closer to adulthood. Click, yes, sir please Turn Me into a Simpson button. Huh…$500. That’s really steep. I close the laptop and pace  around my small, growing increasingly smaller bedroom, and  I trip over a foam dumb bell. I am black and bruised. I have even made myself start bleeding. Dammit I guess I have no choice but to turn myself into a Simpson now. How else will I remember how I looked before I broke my face, but I don’t own any pictures of myself!

I have been grocery shopping recently at Sal’s Little Big Sega Bodega! She’s surely got me on camera. I huff down the thirty six flights of my storied building and tip my doorman handsomely. Listen to the heels click and clatter, Big City Blues are calling me. Sal’s Little Big Sega Bodega is one of the only approachable monuments to commerce on this fiscally icy block. I waltzed right in through the copyright infringing doors and blast a salutations to Sal herself. Sal puffs on a waterlogged stodgy and turns a page in a dirty magazine about Russian propaganda. There is a man dressed up in a Sonic the Hedgehog suit cleaning up a bloody mess pooling around the cramped store.

The man dressed as Sonic tells me,“Surf’s up, homie.” The gory puddle ripples and soaks. I step around armed with an armful of Clickers, a steady Shenmue stress ball and a  pre-wrapped Alex Kidd Enchanted Castle hoagie, I will have to pick out the pickled capers but it’s still a nice mayo dense sammie.

“Sal, fair clerkess I am hoping you are having a good day.” I am going to crack into the Sal safe one chit at a chat.

“Nope. Keep it moving, kid. Take your change.” She slides my change across the counter and even though I typically despise when people refuse to make hand to hand contact with lending of money I can accept Sal when she does this. She has clearly lived a life.

“I understand, the ToeJam and Earl flavored condoms don’t stock themselves.”

Sal snaps back, “Look-I know you appreciate all of this geeky shit, but this is my livelihood.”

“Sal, I really think you should take an improv class. You would learn not to start all of these customer interactions marinated in sea salt brine saltier than Ecco the Dolphin’s home...I will see myself out.” Damn I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t ask for a simple favor. An old woman with a brawny  pale tattooed man on leash has entered the store just as I am leaving. The old woman takes off her wig, revealing a bald shiny head and a pistol. She begins shoving the pistol at Sal. Sonic turns on the Jet Set Radio to full blast and slips in the bloody puddle.

I don’t want to call the police, but I call the police.

“Hello, I don’t like you.”

“911, what is your emergency.” The tone of the pig operator is harsh and accusatory. I try to swallow, but I am choking on my enchanted hoagie.

“Bang! Bang! Cops and robbers! 72nd and Pacific Ave! Be here or be square!” I hang up the phone and in my burst of adrenaline have to remind myself to not smash my own phone. I go around the corner and wait for the cops who show up. Hours go by and the Sega bodega burns, robbed and pillage. What a world. The cops finally show up when they finally feel like it and are asking Sal the typical useless questions.

“An old woman and her lackey robbed me blind and you’re just going to file some paperwork?!”

“Listen, sweetheart, this is a big bad world. Shit happens. Buck up.” Office Doomsdairy tips his cardboard hat at Sal and takes a Chocolate Milk that has one of the Super Monkey Ball Monkeys winking on the carton. The cop chugs the whole milk carton and slides Sal a twenty.

“Buy yourself something happy, you look like a miserable bitch. Also, I grew up in a Nintendo household you’re lucky I don’t arrest you for being on the wrong side of the console wars! God dammit! I hate all of these sexual harassment protocols! I used to have a partner I could wisecrack to! Thank you for calling 911, have a nice day.” The cop is leaving and I puff my chest like a mighty Maine puffin and say to the officer, “Wait!”

The cop responds, “Dude, I’m on break. Buzz off.”

“No officer, you should take a look at the security camera footage. You will see that Sal isn’t lying!”

“Yeah, sure whatever.” The filthy cop and I go back inside and now with the Wrong side of the Law by my side I can finally get my security camera footage.

“Why don’t you just take a picture of yourself? You have a phone don’t you?” Asks a nagging insipid voice that sounds rough and grainy against my thoughts. I shove the voice away and continue standing by the dirty Lawman’s side.

“So uh I think I need to see the security livestream. You do have a security camera right?”

“Yes, officer, I have security.”  Sal makes a throat cutting motion over to the Sonic man behind her who sadly puts away his Golden Axe. Sal lifts open her gate for the officer to step through and he immediately turns on the bathroom security footage and begins fast tracking and rewinding the footage stopping at every womanly shape. He does this for a while and clutches at his foam padded pants.

“Hey kid, this technology bewilders me. Maybe you should find the crime.” The cop stretches and scrolls through his phone while I fumble with this alien technology hoping to click the right video feed. I eventually stumble, click onto a feed of the main entryway and rewind to the robbery. I look over and notice that the cop is injecting himself with a violent red powder and kicking at Sal’s managerial locker. I rewind further and find a good headshot of myself prior to my accident. Seeing as I stop in every day it doesn’t take long for me to find yesterday’s beautiful face. I cringe and take out my own phone and take a picture of my image on the security camera display monitor. I fast forward back over to the unfolding of the crime. Another cop appears, Officer Wrathsberg.

“Fuckin hurry up Doom! What’s the hold up? You jerking off to potty pics again? And who the hell is this civilian? Get out of here!” I take my leave and hurry back home with a visage of myself in tow. I tip my doorman again and rush back up my thirty six flights of stairs. Back home. My plants are still wilting, my cat still isn’t back from her shopping trip, and my walls are still the color of Big Bird’s sperm. I upload a picture of a picture of myself and take another $500 out of my savings. I am going to be turned into a Simpsons.

The Simpsonfy me fill out form is of a considerable depth. They want to know a lot of personal information that I am frankly insulted no one has ever asked me about before. Some questions make me reconsider my entire worldview. I am going to be one terrific Simpson. I finish the survey and look for a way to tip the artist, but their cryptic Paypal does not offer a tip button so I add on an extra $25 to the $500. I wait. In the amount of time it takes for someone to open and close an app I get a response.

“Thanks. I will see you tonight.”

“Wait, what?” I say out loud and really wish I hadn’t. Going to take hours to get this kind of negative energy out of my house. I type up, “No thanks, please find attached the photograph of my visual likeness to assist you on what I am sure to be a lovely portrait. Thanks again and I hope you have a nice Kansas day!”

I close my laptop and masturbate because I am grateful for being an artistic patron. I feel what Walt Disney must have felt every time he flexed and brought a new animated confection to the world. The wait for the portrait will be excruciating.

My lady love, who is totally not my sister, Franchesca has returned home! I rush to the front door like a toddler puppy hybrid too cute for his own good embracing the warm glow of the Feminine return, and she grunts out a hello. She peels off every article of clothing off from her body and leaves it behind like a scorned Pompei cast away and excuses herself to the shower. I bend down and sweep up her sticky and sweet bundle of clothes and fold them into the clothing hamper. I wait for her shower and she joins me in the rhomboid rumpus (and rumble) room clad in nothing but her Parisian robe.

“So, how was your day?” asks Franchesca, and I look into the depths of her expansive molasses colored eyes.

“Pretty good! I got you a Kansas Day gift! Do you want to open it now or later?” I hand her the wrapped stack of decorative Simpsons plates.

“Um sure? Kansas Day? Is this because I told  you about that anime convention orgy I attended in Kansas? Either way, it is appreciated.” She unravels my gift which is wrapped in such a way to provide a user-friendly experience. She stares  at the top plate on the stack, Lisa and Bleeding Gums Murphy saxing together in the moonlight. The best plate. Franchesca puts it down, not even considering the other four plates in the set.  

“Thanks so much! I am sure one of these will look great hanging up on her walls the color of sick lemon. The purples will work real nicely. Now if you don’t mind me I think I will have a nice lie down for awhile. Wake me if you need anything.” Franchesca retires to her separate bed chambers leaving the pile of decorative plates and wrapping paper. I don’t bother picking them up. I don’t know what sort of reaction I was expecting, but this one left me cold. At the very least she could have dramatically smashed one against my head if she hated them so much. I slink away to the liquor cabinet.

I bend down to the  liquor cabinets’ sleepy filigree doors and whisper into them, “I will take one big and brown, please.” I take out a mostly full bottle of pre-made Whiskey Sour. Too many times I have gotten super sloshed making my own cocktails and making a huge mess in the kitchen, and as anyone who has ever met me always leaves with one and only one impression: “I can tell that he’s not the biggest fan of messes.” I messily chug straight from the bottle until I sputter out the synthetic 65% concoction. I pour another glass in a frosted novelty glass of a franchise I don’t even like and sink into my chaise beanbag lounge. At least when I wake up I will finally be a Simpson.

////

My throat is too dry to swallow. My eyes, too blurry and caked over to blink. My arms were too roped and bound to move. I try to speak but only weakness comes out. Every inch of my body feels like it is experiencing a tingly chemical burn. I produce a groan! That’s progress. The room isn’t spinning, but it’s not a stable clear image for me either.

“Congratulations Mister Branche, you’ve officially been made into a Simpson.”

“Dooough.” I am trying to ask what the hell is going on, but my mouth is also too heavily caked over in a rubbery mask to move. My vision is starting to reappear and I am not too sure I want to keep seeing what I am seeing.

“Hush, now do you want an official Simpson name? I was thinking Albert Sacksworth, but I am always open to my clients suggestions. No rush, but I will need a decision in less than twenty four hours if we are going to sign your official Simpsons birth certificate.

“Dooough.” I am trying to say that this is an outrage and as a fellow literalist I am sickened by this criminal negligence, untie me you scoundrel!

I am released into the world as a Simpson character. I only have eight fingers now. I will use all eight of these fingers to climb my way back into my lady loves’ arms.

The End.

[in-the-name-of-the-holy-reborn]

Father Christmas - Tsuna

Arc 2 Secret Santa 2017 Participation   @theincrediblemoonchild , I really hope you enjoyed this little story and I wish you a wonderful Christmas ♥

The wind picked up when the sky darken onto the sweet suburbs of Namimori, announcing a cold night as the sweet film of snow settled on the restless pavements. People quickened their pace under the light of the street lamps, eager to join their comfy home away from the chilly weather of December. In one of this few perfectly tidy and identical houses, a wonderful mommy was cooking some pancakes while humming the Disney song playing on the tv, she smiled to herself, listening to her toddler singing and dancing on the couch waiting for his favorite snack to come. When the last notes of the credits rang, Tsuna got to his feet a happy glint still on his face, he pushed the button of the video recorder to rewind the movie, stopping by the window on his way to get a new one when he saw the snow flakes falling slowly. He let out the biggest sigh his little lungs could hold, landing his tiny hand on the cold steamy surface, a frown formed on his brows and he looked at the reflexion of his mother figure in the kitchen before letting his eyes wandered on the dark garden. The sudden silence grabbed Nana’s attention and she turned her head toward a focused Tsuna who hadn’t moved from the window. She slowly put down the last crepe on the plate and slipped behind her son with the delicacy of a cat, she seized him by the waist and carry him in the air as she kissed his belly with loudly sound, filling the room with laughter, she sat him down on her knees only when he couldn’t catch his breath anymore. The little boy wiped away the tears at the corner of his eyes, his mind back to his concern as soon as he caught the white dress on the grass, his frown back, he lowered his eyes on his sleeves before speaking in a rather stern voice for a child. «Mommy, do you think he’s cold out there?» Nana arched an eyebrow, eyeing cautiously the window, ready to strike if a prowler was sneaking outside. «Who are you talking about?» After a pause, Tsuna couldn’t gather his courage to answer properly to his mom, he didn’t watched her brownish hues when he lied «Santa. I-I don’t want him to catch a cold.» With a tender smile, she brushed away few pesky strands of hair, leaving a sweet peck on his forehead at the cute yet funny tought of Santa catching a cold, she let out a giggle as she got up, leaving Tsuna on the ground. «What if we knit him a scarf? Would you want to help mom so we could put it under the Christmas tree?» A faint smile grazed his lips as he nodded, looking at his happy mom walking away with a light step. The little boy sigh again when she was out of sight, maybe he should have share what was on his heart, he was a child and no children should keep that weight on their chest. But her smile was the only thing that could warm him in his deepest sorrow and he didn’t want it to fade away with the simple mention of him, him, who made her smile way more brighter than ever when he hugged them. When she came back with her basket full of wool balls, Tsuna’s concerned expression didn’t budge, still looking at the carpet, he blurted out. «Daddy will not be there for Christmas hn’?» Nana dropped the ball she was holding, words like keen knives breaking through her frail composure, she pinched her lips offering a smile which didn’t reach her eyes as she answered, like always «I-I don’t know honey, you know dad has to work very hard.. I can’t guarantee you, but he tries! You know how much he loves you, he loves us! Hey I’ve got an idea, do you want to write a letter with all the gifts you want for Christmas?!» He turned his head as to flee away from the sweet lies she was offering to him, he hoped, from the bottom of his heart she was telling the truth, that he will see him barge throught the front door to held both of them and never leave ever again. He answered with an almost inaudible sound of his throat, his eyes already on the dark street only enlightened by the cold light of the street lamp. Days passed and the little house was decorated little by little for the incoming event, the conversation long forgotten gave way to happy chit-chats and Christmas songs within the little family. Unbeknownst Nana, Tsuna’s little heart clenched each time the sound of the front door resound in their cosy home as he, more than once, sprinted toward the lobby to discover only the postman or the old neighbor sharing some recipes. Christmas eve was finally there and the last hopes of the future Vongola Boss were dying slowly as minutes passed, drowning in his cinnamon hot milk, the warmth of his mom love helped him understand he didn’t need anything else and he decided to forgot about this man he used to call dad. Tsuna opened his eyes on the dark ceilling, blinking several time to help them adjust as the silence of the night was embracing the city since hours while the snow kept falling flabbily on the desertic streets. He tossed and turned in his bed, unable to got back to sleep, excited to discovered all the gifts waiting for him, and, at the same time, frightened by the idea of all the horrible monsters that could hide under his bed. Before his mind borrowed a too terrific path, who would surely have guided him to a drenched bed, the soft clicking sound of the front door reached his ears while beams of light appeared on the floor. After spending few minutes listening to rustling noises coming from the living room, Tsuna persuaded himself that he was thirsty and opened his door cautiously as he went down the stairs without thinking twice about it. His mouth formed a perfect O shape when he discovered, on his tip-toe a man dressing in red and white putting down well wrapped boxes under the illuminated tree. Santa turned around, a satisfied smile on his lips when all the gifts were on the tiles, facing the little boy who hadn’t budge, he tried to stay composed and hid his voice as much as he could when he addressed to him. «Hello there, shouldn’t you be in bed?» No answer came from the nervous child, he hesitated at first but took a firm step toward the unknown man, he stopped to studied his face from his 3 feet, plundging into exhausted honey eyes, he then landed his own on the gifts, a sad expression running on his face. The red man kneeled down to his height as he spoke again. «What is it? Don’t you think you’ll be pleased with all those presents? - Sure, thanks.» Tsuna smiled politely to the man before boldly adding «I don’t think what I asked is in here, these boxes are not big enough» The man let out an heartly laugh behind his false beard, ruffling the beadhead of the boy «Oh yeah ? And what did you wanted, bigger than all the boxes wrapped here, I don’t think my faithful steeds would be able to carry anything else to be honest!» Tsuna offered a polite smile once again, he looked at the ground, hoping the Old Good Santa hadn’t been offended by his words, feeling the pressure, he gave those words «I’m sorry that’s not what I meant, I don’t want them to be tired, I only wanted to see mom’s brighter smile, I hoped you could have bring daddy in your hood» A hand still on Tsuna’s head, stroking his silky hair, the man didn’t find the strenght to answer, a guilty expression well hidden behind fluffy white hair. He wanted to pull off this ridiculous mask, he wanted to hold him, covered him with kisses and hug him tight, but he didn’t move and looked at him retreated to his bedroom after encouragements and a good night kiss. When the door of Tsuna’s room was shut, Iemitsu pulled off his hat and beard, scrubbing his tired face and letting out a huge sigh, he fell on the sofa, looking at the house and the details of the family life he missed so much. His eyes on the ceiling, he spent the rest of the night sitting there, wondering how much of a burden he was for his family and how many time he had left before he totally lose them, falling asleep on those thoughts haunting him each time he closed his eyes. — When Tsuna and Nana reached the living room smiling hand in hand after the first rays of sunshine hit his bedroom windows. They faced an interesting scene playing under their eyes, the red suit was lying on the floor as all of Iemitsu body was spread in an awkward position, he was only in his underpants, the red hand knitted scarf around his neck, the empty pitcher of eggnog was reversed on the table whereas loud snoring were coming out of his open mouth. Tsuna was the first to broke the ‘silence’ in a barely audible whisper «Mommy, he stole the gifts we made for Santa.. He even snatch off his clothes and beard..what are we going to say to the police ?»

[ohstardust]

You Are All Four Seasons

REQUEST: from @likeapinkocean​ Hey I was wondering if you do fionn imagines. I really love your writing 💜. I was wondering if you could write one where fionn and y/n have been best friends for years. Whilst he is doing an interview with Harry, he admits that he’s in love with y/n. I thought this would be a cute idea 💜😂 A/N: I wasn’t sure how to write this and then inspiration hit. Hope the way it plays out is okay for you :) Also, the Disney Channel thing actually happened between me and my best guy friend (at the time), I didn’t realise that he actually liked me then, oops. Title & italics lyrics: Northern Wind by City & Color My Fionn playlist can be found on Spotify (this is what I listen to when I write about him and songs that are featured in fics about him) (x)

There were no amount of words in the English language, or any other for that matter, that allowed Y/N to express her level of pride for her best friend. It was as simple as that. Her pride was metaphorically off the chart. If one were to tell her and Fionn when they first met at the age of eight that they would be closer than ever, and he would be cast in a historical film epic, by the age of twenty, then they’d have probably rolled their eyes and blown a spitball at you in disbelief. But here they were, twelve years on in the exact position that would have left the youngsters incredulous.

Their friendship had been the most ridiculous cliché since the start, the kind that teenage romantic comedies are made about, the kind that made you laugh but secretly envied, and one that left you in awe of how 2 people could reach that level of companionship without falling hopelessly in love with each. Another rom-com trope. The thing is, she’d probably loved him since they were sixteen when he asked her to prom and bashfully told her she looked pretty, or perhaps it was when she was thirteen and he spent the whole afternoon stroking her hair whilst she binged on the Disney Channel and didn’t complain once. Either way, it had been ongoing for a number of years but time away from him during filming and promo allowed her to breathe and think again, to not feel so intensely and to take a step back to rethink her feelings. Not that she could change them anyway. She did hate how far away he had been lately though, she was stuck at university whilst he travelled to multiple places to promote Dunkirk with incredible people, and she couldn’t do a damn thing about it. You’re the Northern Wind Sending shivers down my spine You’re like fallen leaves In an autumn night

She was tired and her arms ached from carrying bags of shopping back to her flat. Her tote bag had fallen off her shoulder four times and the handles on the bag containing plastic bottles of water had snapped leaving her to carry them home in her arms. She just wanted to sleep and pretend the rubbish afternoon hadn’t happened. The girl knew that Fionn had an interview airing live today online from some news site unknown to her, and whilst normally she’d be eager to watch, seeing him live would have just intensified the ache in her chest that had been increasing the past couple of months. It wouldn’t be wise to watch it, which is why she chose that afternoon to shop. She wouldn’t be tempted to logon and watch despite how awful she’d feel. Y/N set the items in the kitchen, putting everything away in their rightful place and trudged to her room to change. Once she was settled on her bed, she pulled the blanket over her and took her phone from her bag. Nine missed calls Fourteen text messages Four voicemails She began to panic as she realised they had all come from Fionn, Angie and Grace and worried that something awful had happened. She clicked on Fionn’s message thread first and scrolled through them in alarm. Fee Fi Fo Fum (16:24) I really need to speak to you, please pick up. I think I really screwed up. Fee Fi Fo Fum (16:32) Where are you? You’re not in lectures or working today so please call me back. Fee Fi Fo Fum (16:37) Look I’m really sorry, please don’t ignore me, we can talk about this. Fee Fi Fo Fum (16:49) C’mon Y/N, ring me I’m freaking out Fee Fi Fo Fum (16:58) At least answer Grace or Ang, they’re worried too Fee Fi Fo Fum (17:11) PLEASE Fee Fi Fo Fum (17:29) It’s fine, I get it. Y/N’s heart began to race, never had Fionn been so insistent on speaking to her, always understanding how busy she tends to be when it comes to studying or working. It scared her. Before she hit the call button on his contact, she opened the text threads from her other friends to see if it would shed some light on the situation. Ang (16:42) Hav u spoken 2 Fionn? If not then CALL HIM! Ang (16:51) Hes a wreck, he knows he messed up but he needs to explain Ang (16:55) Shit hve u not seen what happened? Ang (16:55) If ur out then ring us when u get chance Gracie (16:49) Babe, when you get this can you please call Fi? Gracie (16:56) You’re probably really busy love but it’s important Gracie (17:09) If you won’t call him, can you at least call me? Y/N’s stomach dropped, it was one thing for Fionn to incessantly call and text her, but evidently he’d brought two of their closest friends into the debacle and she wondered what on earth had he done wrong to need to speak to her so urgently? And what was he so sorry about? You’re the lullaby That’s singing me to sleep You are the other half You’re like a missing piece She worked on evening out her breathing before pressing call on Fionn. The voice that greeted her on the other end of the phone was quiet and timid, something that had become a distant memory from their childhood, she couldn’t remember the last time he’d spoken to her in that tone. “I didn’t think you were still talking to me.” “I was out doing the food shopping, my hands were full and I didn’t see my phone until I got home,” she found herself reacting defensively, why did everyone seem to think she was ignoring them? “What’s so important? I have a bunch of calls, texts and voicemails from you, Ang and Grace, where’s the fire?” she weakly laughed. Fionn didn’t respond to the jovial tone and sighed, “I’ve been worried sick.” “Why, because I didn’t reply within the hour?” “You don’t know do you?” She huffed and rolled her eyes, becoming annoyed with people skirting around this apparent issue and wanting someone to just tell her. “For God’s sake, what’s happened?” “I said something stupid in an interview today… about you.” “Really? That’s it? You had me thinking someone had died!” “You might kill m-“ Her phone buzzed as it was pressed to her ear and she saw another incoming text from Angie, “-hold on one sec, Ang just sent me a link to something, says it’s crucial I watch it now.” She grabbed her laptop and opened the link in the message, ‘ Fionn Whitehead makes a big confession!’ was the caption on the video. Curiously she pressed play and let the interview with Fionn and Harry run. “It’s just an interview of yours, is this the one from today?” “Probably.” He stayed silent as he could hear the audio of the video, he debated telling her to turn it off knowing that she hadn’t a clue what he’d confessed to, but it was only a matter of time before she’d find out and she’d likely not forgive him for that. “Fionn brought his best mate out with us in London and she’s a riot, not a typical student drinker I’ll give her that, probably why she made such a spectacle of us all.” Harry cheekily grinned at the younger man and shot the same look to the woman interviewing them. Fionn gave the sweetest smile and heartily laughed at the memory, shaking his head and stretching he retored, “God I’m so in love with her.” His face paled and dropped as soon as he had said it and panicked, not knowing how to backtrack. Y/N’s breath hitched and she stuttered out a laugh in shock. After many years of friendship, she knew when he was joking and when he was sincere, being able to read him like a book, and this time was no exception. His face was too soft and honest and relaxed, a feature never seen to people he didn’t know or wasn’t comfortable with. The boy was still on the end of the phone, his forehead rested on his free hand and his eyes closed in fear. He heard her rewind that portion of the video and play it again, the whole image playing out in his head as he replayed the interview. “God I’m so in love with her.” The hairs were stood up on Y/N’s body and her eyes had clouded over. “Was it a joke?” Y/N’s voice came out thick and unsure, still not knowing how to process this. “Do you want it to be?” Her voice came out so small that Fionn wasn’t sure if he’d heard her or not, “No.”

“Good, ‘cause I meant it.” “How long?” “Prom,” she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, she was so elated to learn about his feelings but she hated how much time had been wasted, how many sleepless nights she’d had about losing him because she’d fallen in too deep. “I feel the same, y’know?” “Please say it,” his voice sounded pained but desperate for her to tell him just how she felt after all this time. Her head shook despite him not being able to see her. “Not until I see you, have to say it in person first, see how much we really mean it.” Fionn’s smile was audible through the phone and she couldn’t fight off her own, “I’ll be home tomorrow, love.” “I’m counting on it, ‘ve missed you.” “Missed you too,” he tiredly rubbed his eyes and let out a soft yawn, the promo was really draining his energy but he was glad to be promoting in the same city as her tomorrow and couldn’t wait to hold her. “ ‘m sorry for giving you a scare, I was just so worried that you’d seen it and you were mad, didn’t want to ruin that.” “It’s okay, it was worth it. Just don’t panic so much next time, you can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned and you know that.” “I know, it was silly. We should probably tell the others not to worry now, eh?” The irony of their clichéd romance was not lost on her and she’d absolutely laugh about it later, but right now she wanted to lose herself in Fionn’s voice and forget everything else, “They can wait, tell me about your week so far.”

[ladystylestores]

HBO Max is live: $15/mo for a massive library, significant headaches

Like it or not, another subscription streaming service has entered the chat.

This one—HBO Max—debuts across the United States on Wednesday, and it comes from the combined AT&T-Time Warner media empire. After taking shape in 2018, the new “WarnerMedia” cluster of film and TV content has since put together a streaming library of exclusive content—particularly by yoinking content away from Netflix and other partners, in apparent defiance of AT&T’s antitrust pledge to US Congress.

WarnerMedia didn’t make the service available to Ars Technica ahead of the launch, so I jumped into the fray by claiming a free seven-day trial on launch day and picked through its first day’s content and interface. I did so to answer the following question: has WarnerMedia pulled off a service worthy of a $15/month fee?

Not necessarily.

They’re still running three services simultaneously

The easiest sales pitch is for anyone who already happily paid $15/mo for HBO Now as a standalone service. HBO Max kinda-sorta replaces HBO Now, because the former has all the same content as the latter. Pay the same, get more. If you thought HBO Now’s selection of HBO-specific series and films was worth its high price, you’re the luckiest potential user. And if you were using HBO Now on Android or iOS, its app has simply turned into HBO Max. Easy peasy.

That makes us wonder: why does HBO Now still exist? One reason is that existing set-top boxes and services support paid subscriptions to HBO Now, sometimes as a bundled package. Another reason is that some set-top boxes, particularly every single Roku and Amazon Fire TV device, currently work with HBO Now, but do not work with HBO Max.

Confusing things further, HBO Go also still exists, but this is a holdover attachment to cable-TV subscriptions that offer HBO Go as a perk. WarnerMedia had to produce the following video to try and explain things, and the result is unintentionally hilarious:

HBO Max vs. HBO Now vs. HBO Go… yes, WarnerMedia officially made this video.

And the question of whether you might get HBO Max for free with your existing cable or streaming services remains a bewildering mess. HBO Now continues to direct users to the older apps, in spite of HBO Max being advertised as an included option from providers like Charter, Verizon, Cox, and (unsurprisingly) AT&T and its subsidiaries.

There’s also the matter of WarnerMedia’s last-minute announcement of a lower-priced, ad-supported tier for the service. But how much will it cost, and when will it arrive? The industry giant isn’t saying yet beyond a vague “2021” window.

Not quite the theme park we’d hoped for

The opening splash screen.

Sidebar.

More sidebar.

On its first day of operation, HBO Max already has a “last chance” page of expiring content.

The opening page for any series has a massive sample screen.

You have to scroll quite a ways to pick through more episodes, though at least the season-skipping interface is nimble enough.

When watching videos on a desktop web browser, the interface largely resembles HBO Now, complete with the “rewind 15 seconds” button. You won’t find that convenient toggle on every platform, however.

Once you actually get into the service, HBO Max looks like it germinated from a different era, when the streaming universe hadn’t fractured into a zillion pieces. Its landing page looks as simple as “Netflix, but with our exclusives.”

Comparatively, Disney+ showed up late last year with smart ideas about how to crash the streaming-subscription party. The most brilliant is its first-impression divide into five major categories: Disney, Pixar, Marvel, Star Wars, and National Geographic. Opening Disney+ feels like walking up to a theme park, seeing five enticing gates, and knowing they’ll each have a ton of content behind them. (Of all the companies to get that right, this one makes sense.)

HBO Max can’t make up its mind about whether to hew to that archetype or to the massive-dump-of-content standard seen on the past decade of most other streaming services. The top of the interface is an unsurprising scroll of “featured” content, and this sees HBO Max puffing its chest about major exclusives: the ’90s NBC series Friends (duh, it’s still one of the world’s most popular TV series), some HBO Max exclusives, and some HBO-produced series. Below those are some “featured” scrolls of TV series and films, arguably based on popularity, then a clever “every Harry Potter film in order” block—again, a hugely popular streaming exclusive, so that’s good for HBO Max to highlight.

You’ll need to tap your remote six times (or more if you’ve built any “previously watched” and “my watchlist” libraries) to scroll down and reach the “HBO Max hubs.” These massive buttons resemble Disney+’s intro splash, and they do a better job attaching a personality to the service… but not by the same margin. Small buttons are assigned to DC (as in, DC Comics), Sesame Workshop, Turner Classic Movies, Studio Ghibli, Cartoon Network, Adult Swim, Crunchyroll, and Looney Tunes. “HBO” gets a stupidly oversized button.

Hub hopping

HBO Max’s hubs.

The 25 series in the Cartoon Network hub, as of launch.

HBO

The 9 series in the Adult Swim hub, as of launch.

HBO

A visit to the Sesame Street hub reveals a peculiar organizational issue: categories that link to entire episodes. Those “spoofs and parodies” are tucked into longer episodes, and HBO Max doesn’t use timestamps to let watchers skip directly to the relevant bits. It’s an unwieldy attempt to guide viewers.

HBO

I created a “child” account to see what the interface looks like for kids under 13. It’s harder for them to find “hubs,” and they are instead shoved into age-gated clumps of content.

HBO

Clicking on HBO takes you to a less polished, less neatly organized version of HBO Now. Pick the “series” tab, and it’s an alphabetical dump of a most every HBO series with zero additional narrowing. If you’re in the mood for “every HBO comedy series,” you’re out of luck; you’ll have to pick through every drama and thriller on your way to find beloved comedic fare like Mr. Show and Silicon Valley, let alone to figure out which series count in which category. Curiously, stand-up comedy gets a dedicated tab within the HBO-specific interface, yet the “series” tab also includes a bunch of separate stand-up comedy.

The only genre-specific tabs generate a massive list of content from every hub. The overlap between bright-and-cheery Cartoon Network content and HBO’s darkest comedies feels less than ideal. (If you’re wondering, you can easily set parental controls to make sure Adventure Time isn’t a few clicks away from Barry.)

Some of the other hubs lead to clearly incomplete collections. Adult Swim is the worst offender at only nine series in all, while the DC button is HBO Max’s weirdest stumble. It has a plethora of content, sure, but what about recent, buzzed-out series like the Harley Quinn animated series or ’90s classics like Batman: The Animated Series? Sadly, those aren’t here, because they’re exclusive to one of WarnerMedia’s other streaming-subscription services, DC Universe. So much for corporate synergy. (Confusingly, Doom Patrol, a series that debuted on DC Universe, does appear on HBO Max.)

I can’t complain about the Turner Classic Movies or Looney Tunes selections, on the other hand, which are monstrous. The former, which at launch sports a whopping 454 films, borrows liberally from the Criterion Collection—enough that you could cancel that collection’s subscription service for a few months while picking through its HBO Max redundancies. (Be aware that TCM counts some interesting films as “classics,” but we’re not about to argue about the “classic” designation of flicks like Police Academy or Godzilla Raids Again.) The latter, meanwhile, includes hundreds of original Looney Tunes theatrical shorts throughout the years—but, gosh, HBO Max. It’s a pain to pick through the shorts as arranged in “seasons,” as if they originally aired on TV in a certain sequence, and the service only launched with three “collections” of classic shorts. Families could’ve used a hand to pick through more of this content, perhaps with more character-specific playlists? Or collections dedicated to beloved directors like Chuck Jones or Tex Avery?

I’m not an anime diehard, so I can’t speak to the seemingly anemic selection in the Crunchyroll tab. But at least the Studio Ghibli collection has nearly every one of its acclaimed films. (The holdouts are Grave of the Fireflies and the studio’s co-production work on a Lupin the Third feature-length film.)

Lack of 4K, lack of “skip opening credits”

Among the most boneheaded parts of the HBO Max rollout, however, is its utter lack of 4K content, let alone 4K combined with HDR. The same goes for Dolby Atmos surround sound. Why are these features missing? If history is any answer, the lack may be because HBO never built support for those standards in its other official apps.

That issue feels all the more glaring when HBO Max locks up films as exclusive content. If WarnerMedia wants new users to flock to its service instead of rivals’, guaranteeing 4K access to Wonder Woman, Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, and other 4K showstoppers would be a worthy, competitive move. But WarnerMedia has only suggested that 4K, HDR, and Atmos support are “on our roadmap,” which is as toothless a guarantee in the streaming-app landscape as they come.

On the other side of the resolution spectrum, HBO Max is careful not to aggressively crop older videos that were originally meant for 4:3 televisions. That’s great news for the video-ratio purists at Ars Technica. You don’t have to start an online petition to get the original, uncropped versions of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, folks.

Beyond those issues, HBO Max has a paltry selection of newly created, “only for Max” content: six short series, each three episodes or fewer. It’s unclear why the company even bothered with this selection, since it sticks out like a sore thumb compared to the dozens of films and series with a shiny red N on Netflix or the same kind of content found on the likes of Hulu, Disney+, Amazon Video, and even NBC’s soft-launched Peacock.

All of the above is to say: there’s a mountain of content on HBO Max, and quite a bit of stuff that counts as both popular and critically acclaimed, but the service does an awful job laying out a mat for new users to discover it. The hub-based spread of content is a pain to pick through, and so many selections (biggies like Friends and Harry Potter, plus content from Turner TV stations like Conan) don’t appear in those hubs. And it’s missing quality-of-life features you might come to expect from a streaming service, including a “skip opening credits” toggle or a “rewind 15 seconds” button-tap. (The latter tap option only appears when using HBO Max on a desktop Web browser.)

Thankfully, the basic experience of queueing and watching things you search for works just fine, and again, this library is massive—and includes multiple bottomless wells of beloved libraries. But many of these, particularly Looney Tunes and Sesame Street, deserved better. Instead of virtually leading fans into a neatly organized theme park, HBO Max asks its users to crash through the glass door of a badly managed Blockbuster Video.

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So Disney Bought Fox

Well basically it's not 20th Century Fox anymore it's 21st Century Fox....okay I'm gonna be honest and will tag this. I had found out about this information on Tumblr and liked some posts that I'll reblog after this. But I didn't wanna talk about it because of a therapist also even at one point told her Disney are slowly taking over everything and I think Disney bought Fox that's what I told her.

Yet I wanted to see a video by TheFilmJunkee and it's just fucking hilarious. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQN6aZdNgC4 I watched the video twice and well before the 2nd time I looked at some comments. Including before hand spoilers before I watched video I pressed the back button then I heard a song and clicked on the video again.

Including what's amazing the image seen in the video it's on Tumblr and it just makes me laugh now. Including rewinded just that part of him drinking and the song. Even after that I went didn't wanna watch videos but comments below a Hybrid Network video but not the biggest fan these days. Including trying to find out who wrote that Simpsons episode almost left the word Disney.

Turns out the guy who wrote the episode it's named, "When You Dish Upon A Star". The guy is still alive because seriously how in the hell are these predictions just what the fuck. I'm hearing Dave's voice from TheFilmJunkee reading this.

Yet okay I'll get to the main topic. But I wanna mention this and forgot to mention as the first thing. But I feel the other stuff is important. That joke yet actual concern from one of my posts. I said to myself twice the fear of Disney buying the rights to the Sonic The Hedgehog franchise in a way relates to this crap.

But just forgot stuff and.... basically I'll be more detailed and talk about my opinions on this.

Also seriously those comments trolls just can't let people fucking enjoy other shit that isn't the God damn MCU. I even yell at the comments and say you would be doing the same thing is Marvel was in DC's place. Just saying I like the DCEU while disappointed at Justice League because some shit done to the film just shook some seconds.

Also I remembered writing that paragraph now remember again. I was seriously thinking why was this December 14th date to buy Fox so close to Star Wars The Last Jedi close....listen contracts are different. Including this stupid idea I mean Disney has a lot of money so Star Wars can't make the amount of money if possible to pay I mean it's already payed. Yet read on those Tumblr posts it will be finalized.

Also the net neutrality guys I'll still talk about this too don't worry. I honestly wanna talk about this now I will get to the main subject of it.

I did not like the idea of Disney buying Fox. While I'm not the biggest fan of Fox. I've talked about stuff like competition and diversity in films like different genres. But basically competition I've heard helps.

But what sucks my friend okay I'll mention him @fatpinkraccoon423 just it seems like I couldn't word it right or be very meaningful about the idea. Yet he seems I forgot to like it or not care okay I forgot. Because I wanna be honest. Yet he said quite some critical things on the comic book movie genre.

Including I've had mention at times I seriously don't like Disney. This mainly started last year and increased this year. Because of Gravity Falls ending but it's creator choose to end the series but I never watched the finale.

Yet over time with Wander Over Yonder being cancelled before a season 3. My dislike towards Disney increased. While I enjoyed films like Zootopia, The Jungle Book, Moana, and the new Beauty And The Beast these two years or some shit.

Also my disliking towards the MCU and how it was handled. While just I sound stupid saying this about the DCEU but now I understand. It had problems including Warner Bros fucking up some of the films with Justice League being a very big case of that. Yet I like what those films are doing. Still haven't seen Suicide Squad have the movie and Justice League should have the Snyder cut.

I mean seriously the MCU films can be quite enjoyable. I'll say this I saw Spider-Man Homecoming three times this year and that was a MCU film but released under Sony's stuff.

Including all the shit people some MCU fans or just trolls can't just fucking accept some people don't like the MCU and how they approach their films. I will say they are doing a more safe route but I'm not on board with that shit.

Seriously I haven't gave a shit about cartoons like Star Vs The Forces Of Evil because I don't care sometimes after season 1 and possibly this happened close to Gravity Falls ending. While I enjoyed Milo Murphy's Law because of a post I've decided to not watch any Disney related channel unless it's on TV somewhere and I don't care, or when my cousin T's baby girl my niece basically is here.

I even haven't seen the new DuckTales reboot because I'm still pissed off and my thing of not watching any Disney related.

Even though I have thought a times should I watch it but no yet at times I think I forgot. I've even thought maybe liking the custom character in Sonic Forces might help me with that but no. Along with the other time I'll watch a Disney related channel if Wander Over Yonder is on. It only happened on a weekend and that sucks okay oh head I mean I should be grateful the fact we had three nights of episodes with Sunday basically being almost all day. But it just sucks I missed the first night.

But now to more important things. Despite I've seen thumbnails and read comments. I don't fucking want Disney to even try to mess certain properties.

The biggest ones being well I'm not the biggest fan of the X-Men franchise. Yet I did like Deadpool but any film that Marvel and is R rated don't mess with that crap.

But I did support the idea of Fantastic Four being in the MCU because after all the shit that happened. They need a better movie and I think the Fantastic Four are cool. Including they be better probably in the MCU.

Now wanna say before I talk about other franchises. I've thought to myself why bought Fox then I thought of that Streaming service they wanna do after departing from Netflix and shit. To own some tv shows and shit.

So now I'll talk about the other franchises. We have Avatar now. As in the film from 2009 and just a little note for Disney Infinity sorry to mention some concept art or something their were plans for some Avatar figures. Yet the franchise wasn't bought. Honestly I'm not the biggest fan. Really it's a franchise I don't care and Disney can have it possibly.

Then we have the Planet Of The Apes franchise, again not the biggest fan. Yet with the recent films I've haven't seen Dawn or War but seen Rise. I thought Rise was a good film saw that film three times yet well yeah with friends and shit. The other two sound great but haven't seen much of the originals but I guess some of the original film or I don't know if I've seen all of it. Honestly just it has it's fans and I don't know what to say. In fact I feel kind of bad about saying that Avatar just does it still have a fanbase. Seriously again I don't like the film much sorry okay I wanna get to this part.

The Alien and Predator franchises. Including yesterday I had talked about that gameplay video from Ghost Recon Wild Lands and that Predator stuff they added. I seriously praised it.

But it's those two I worry about and I haven't seen AVPGalaxy as of now. I looked on it some days ago. Their were no news about the Fox and Disney merging thing. I'm wondering if now they will talk about it.

These are two film franchises I like. I'm excited for the Predator film next year. But I'm worried and even saw a Hybrid Network video on this. My worst fears were they would cancel both series of films. I'm gonna say both franchises have their ups and downs. Yet just the addition of new films is sometimes nice. Including video games and such.

I'm gonna mention this the thumbnails and comments I mentioned I forgot saying they will still do R rated stuff okay now I looked I didn't mention it at that one part.

Including I don't know just if this official Fox has a lot of stuff. Is that they have DreamWorks which I was very surprised by. Unless I'm wrong correct me please. Also Blue Sky now I remember. Including was thinking of talking about this in a status update on Deviantart.

Looked at my last paragraph. Honestly I was thinking if it's the way I think and that God damn Simpsons prediction and shit. Is that 20th Century Fox or 21st Century Fox I wanna call them 20th Century instead of this weird shit I'm being stupid or whatever.

But if the films release under their banner yet their still connected to Disney also this talk about Touchstone films and some shit and others. I'm some what fine or....I don't want Disney interfering with this shit.

Including I just don't wanna everything to be God damn jokes and whatever. Sorry I just wanna make this and sometimes hear my own voice and now TheFilmJunkee's or whatever.

I'm just seriously don't want Disney to fuck shit up. Just thought Disney should of bought Sony yet thought oh shit PlayStation and shit.

Got tags done and they still have a 20th Century Fox tag nice I mean it wouldn't be gone. Also almost left tags as rags.

Just Disney don't fuck shit up. I mean okay these are my random opinions and I wanted to share these